VOICE

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When it comes to dealing with the VA Medical Center, I have a loud VOICE

When it comes to my husband, or my children and their well being I have a strong VOICE

When it comes to caring for my wounded husband, I have a caregiver VOICE

When my husband is at his wits end with his pain and PTSD, I have a kind VOICE

When asked “what makes me happy”, I have a forgotten voice.

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I am PTSD

This is a poem I wrote:

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I live in the shadows of minds I overtake

I am with you, every time you wake

You try with therapy, pills, and rest

I will overcome you even when feel your best

I suck the life, joy, and happiness out of your mind

All because I won’t be confined.

I wreck  havoc on family and friends,

Just because they want to mend,

The broken heart I do bend.

I make you feel like your going mad

Just because you have seen something bad.

You fought for your country proud,

Now all I give you is screams aloud.

I am in your dreams, heart, soul, and eyes

And laugh because so many have cried.

They cry because they hurt inside

For the loved one I destroy.

I make you sick, weak and cry,

All you want to do is try.

To have a quiet day,

With no thoughts of what is at bay.

Just so you know,

I have put you through hell.

The worst day you have seen,

Is not at all what has been

Stored up inside your head.

You will never get rid of me,

For I am PTSD.

I will haunt your dreams and your wake

You will start to shake,

Sweat,

Cry,

Scream,

Beg to rid me from your thoughts,

I will be there forever,

I have taught you to never say never.

You kiss the ones who try

And, most the time cry,

To keep you safe and calm

For the storm has started since 2006.

For I dig my claws,

Into all surrounding jaws.

They don’t know what to say,

To make me go away.

From the hell I create everyday.

The pain is so tormenting and deep,

All you can do is keep,

Me all to yourself.

For you are a soldier who has been trained well

Once again to live in this hell.

About me

Hello world! I am extremely new to this “blogging” world so please understand this may seem a bit….ummm, unorganized. I am a 35 year old mother of two boys, 3 and 12. I have been married to my husband for 7 years. I wanted to create this blog for myself to be able to vent, however I am hoping it will turn into more than that. My husband is a disabled veteran from the Iraq/Afghanistan war. I am hoping to share stories and thoughts with the world. I/we have been through so much, and I need to find some release, this is my hopes for this blog. My story will come in my next post as I need to gather my thoughts, I am a very “in the moment” kind of gal! Please let me know your stories and thoughts as I hope to be able to help some of you with your struggles as well! I really hope this works……