A Cold Shower…..

Tags

anxiety, i will win, life, live, our time is now, overcoming anxiety, real life stories

Day one, well minuet one. Get up! Get out of this fucking bed and do something, anything. One roll, one foot on the floor, 10 steps to the bathroom, a washcloth, towel and cold (freezing cold) water. Turn the shower on, just do it! I did, and it was fucking amazing! Morning one, make a change, any change to stop the sickening loop of anxiety and panic. I did it – and in those 3 to 4 minuets of hard nipples, frozen toes, and leg hair that grew 2 inches, I was alive. I was not a loser, bad mother, what if thinker, your not good enough, you suck, you will never do anything, you cant drive, you cant, you cant, you cant, and I will make sure of it – brain of mine was shut the fuck down. It was replaced with euphoria, excitement, thrill, and the feat of I did something really hard and you couldn’t stop me!!!!

Stay tuned………

I am PTSD

This is a poem I wrote:

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I live in the shadows of minds I overtake

I am with you, every time you wake

You try with therapy, pills, and rest

I will overcome you even when feel your best

I suck the life, joy, and happiness out of your mind

All because I won’t be confined.

I wreck  havoc on family and friends,

Just because they want to mend,

The broken heart I do bend.

I make you feel like your going mad

Just because you have seen something bad.

You fought for your country proud,

Now all I give you is screams aloud.

I am in your dreams, heart, soul, and eyes

And laugh because so many have cried.

They cry because they hurt inside

For the loved one I destroy.

I make you sick, weak and cry,

All you want to do is try.

To have a quiet day,

With no thoughts of what is at bay.

Just so you know,

I have put you through hell.

The worst day you have seen,

Is not at all what has been

Stored up inside your head.

You will never get rid of me,

For I am PTSD.

I will haunt your dreams and your wake

You will start to shake,

Sweat,

Cry,

Scream,

Beg to rid me from your thoughts,

I will be there forever,

I have taught you to never say never.

You kiss the ones who try

And, most the time cry,

To keep you safe and calm

For the storm has started since 2006.

For I dig my claws,

Into all surrounding jaws.

They don’t know what to say,

To make me go away.

From the hell I create everyday.

The pain is so tormenting and deep,

All you can do is keep,

Me all to yourself.

For you are a soldier who has been trained well

Once again to live in this hell.